Steps To Getting Really Creeped Out...

1. Watch some of these videos:







2. Look at this link:

http://offender.fdle.state.fl.us/offender/flyer.do?personId=2530

3. Be super creeped out.

(thanks to Gem of the Worst Fucking Ideas blog for the scoop on this dude)

The Funniest Porn In The History Of Porn

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According to my ITunes I Have Listened To This Song 52 Times

And I only downloaded it early yesterday. Yeah, it's one of THOSE jams. The kind you listen to a couple times before bed and then in the morning you listen to it again because you somehow missed it in your sleep.

Look, I know I've been going ape shit on the hip-hop/summer jam posting recently but this song is too deadly to overlook. It is literally "the pimp shit". Don't sleep on Drake:



And since you'll have a deadly urge to listen to again right away, listen to the R Kelly remix...if only for the reason that it contains the phrase "sandpaper dick":

Shitty Unicorn Tattoos

The phrase "shitty unicorn tattoo" seems overly redundant. Obviously, a tattoo of a unicorn is going to turn out badly. But there takes a certain kind of idiot to get...say, a tattoo of a unicorn with a penis instead of a horn. The good folks over at holytaco.com have taken the liberty of compiling a collection of the worst of the worst in a story they dubbed "30 Awesomely Bad Unicorn Tattoos".

Link:
http://www.holytaco.com/30-awesomely-bad-unicorn-tattoos-gallery

Sample:






(thanks to the lovely Willow for the link)

Sam Did This

FOJer Sam wrote this:
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_tell_if_hobos_live_behind_your_house

He didn't do these but they are equally as funny:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081017195134AAWT7Ez


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080627035100AAZ6FFu

Smooth Move, Bro.

Recently, on a friend's facebook status:



Subtle, dude.

I take it this guy wouldn't fair very well on a virtual date.

This Is What I Do In My Free Time...

In my defense...it really does look a dick.

This Is The Weirdest Commercial I've Ever Seen

Apparently, it's real. Here's their website.

I'd Like to Be Sucessful Enough To One Day Have a Bank Robber Named After One of My Jokes

The bank robber dubbed the "Man Hand's Bandit" has struck again.

At 9:57 this morning the man robbed the First Security Bank at 620 Edmonds Way in Edmonds. He presented a demand note to the teller, but did not display or imply a weapon, according to the FBI. Once again, he tried to disguise himself by dressing as a woman.

He is described as a white man, about 6 feet tall and 200 pounds. He was wearing a long black wig, a black zip-front hoody with matching black pants and brown Puma shoes. He was also carrying a shiny silver purse.

The nickname comes from an episode of "Seinfeld".

http://blog.seattletimes.nwsource.com/crime/2009/04/20/post_4.html

I kind of like this dude

(thanks to TBTL for the scoop)

Funny, creepy and then back to funny...

Happy Easter, everyone!

In weirdo douchebag news...

Crazy Bruce's

This made me laugh for, literally, 5 minutes straight upon initial viewing.

Things I am currently obsessed with

You know that game "which of the these things doesn't belong? Let's see if we can figure out what doesn't belong in this list of my current obsessions:

1. Boobs
2. Chicken wings and/or potato skins
3. College basketball
4. The hardcore band "Fucked Up"
5. Joining a gym and getting buffer
6. Babies (i.e. having one)

P.S - When did I become such a bro? I blame it all on Billy Bones.

Timely

The Worst Food Product Ever

Good To Know

If you thought Joaquin was bad...

Man Calls 911 After Burger King Runs Out of Lemonade

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/blogs/content/shared-blogs/palmbeach/citypulse/entries/2009/02/09/hear_the_911_call_after_boynto.html

My favorite line:
“Customer service is not a reason to call 911. 911 is for if you’re dying. Understand?”

Barack Obama Swearing

Apparently, in Obama's "Dreams From My Father" book he talks about a high school friend named Ray, who was also bi-racial and just happened to swear like a sailor. Well, Obama quotes Ray a couple of times in the book which is nice enough but the real gem lies in the fact that Obama himself did the audiobook version of the book and therefore clips of him quoting Ray have surfaced. Out of context they are pretty funny. Hear them here:

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/wp-content/cache/supercache/www.aprilwinchell.com/2009/02/05/barack-obama-is-tired-of-your-motherfucking-shit//index.html

Click. Laugh. Love.