He Ain't Gon' E-Mail You

This is how bored I have been lately

Here is a list of the dinners I have made for myself (JUST myself) in the past week:
- Pistachio pesto encrusted pork tenderloin with a mushroom and green onion risotto
- Cream poached cod with roasted leeks over pasta
- Medallions of balsamic marinated chicken breast over roasted garlic mashed potatoes and carmelized onions with carrots and mushrooms
- Pasta with crab, green beans, carrots, peas, corn in a light cream sauce with homemade garlic bread

I either need a girlfriend or a very complicated hobby.

Nice complement to the Prop 8 musical I posted yesterday

Louis CK once again locking it down. I love this man.

Scream Queen

Artist's rendering of Lindsay from Scream Queens

So I am Addicted (the capital A is on purpose) to VH1's latest reality show shitfest "Scream Queens" which might as well be called "Hot Women Crying" because I think in literally every episode one of the contestants breaks down into tears somehow, someway. It features a group of young actresses all competing for a role in "Saw VI" (how exciting!). My absolutely favorite girl, Jessica, (who I only liked, admittedly, because she was insanely attractive) just got eliminated a couple weeks ago and my second favorite girl, Angela, (who was the 2nd most attractive after Jessica) got cut last week. Bummer. Now the only people left are women who can actually act (Lindsay and Tanedra) and a mega-bitch that the producer's must only be keeping on the show to add drama (Michelle). I've always suspected that Lindsay seemed familiar to me and a quick peek on the imdb confirms my suspicions....

She was in "3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain"! Fuck. Why even bother trying to go any farther in "the biz". Just call it good when you get the role of "Jennifer" and get to share screen time with Rocky, Colt and Tum Tum. I think somebody is a little greedy. But nonetheless, I'm pretty sure Lindsay is going to be the winner. A google search of all the remaining contestants leads to Lindsay getting the most hits and she's like the only girl on the show with imdb credits post "Scream Queens" filming.

But anyways, just like to give a shout out to JESSICA PALETTE (hope you google yourself, girl) and say that you are FINE and you should move to Seattle and marry me.

If anybody wants to watch the finale with me on Monday, come on over, I'll make snacks.

I like this

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

The Funniest Person Alive

Louis CK, I mean...although I like Conan too.

Oh CHACHA, you so crazy